No Lies, Just Love
by NirvanaFreakSC
Summary: Song fic, I guess. Seth remembers the last time he cut himself. Well that was straight forward. R&R, please!


Ah, ok, here. Yeah, this might seem morbid and ew but yeah. It's all Seth, with SS undertones. Set in the second season before The Rainy Day Women. It goes back to before Ryan came but then goes to present day. Ok here you go! Oh and the song is No Lies, Just Love by Bright Eyes. I know, the song might not really go with it that greatly, but it does touch on what I'm trying to convey, I guess. And it's really pretty, lol.

Disclaimer: I own nada, please don't sue.

No Lies, Just Love

It was in March of the winter I turned seventeen  
That I bought those pills I thought I would need  
And I wrote a letter to my family   
It said it's not your fault, no, you've been good to me  
It's just lately I've been feeling like I don't belong  
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon  
And I've heard that music echo through the house  
Where my grandmother drank by herself

_Seth Cohen stood over the sink, watching the blood drip, hitting the marble and slowly sliding down the drain, disappearing. He wondered how many blood cells he had just lost and how many were left; millions upon millions, probably. But it would still be interesting to know how many exactly. He didn't feel it though, his open wound that, if done properly, could have killed him. It was only a small slit, really. But anyone could still see it. That's why he wore long sleeves, now, so that no one would notice. It was kind of weird that no one, and by no one he meant his parents, noticed his change in style lately. But then again, he wasn't really that surprised. Sure, they gave him a great life, they didn't neglect him, but they didn't know him, nobody did. It wasn't like he had many friends, none actually. His only friend was a plastic horse, who watched him every time he did this to himself, never bothering to try and stop him. _

And I sat watching a flower as it was withering  
I was embarrassed by its honesty  
So I prefer to be remembered as a smiling face  
And not this fucking wreck that's taken it's place

_They never noticed. At first, when he would analyze himself, he thought he was doing it for the attention, but then when they didn't notice, he realized he didn't care, he just liked cutting himself. It felt good to feel, especially when he couldn't feel anything. Well, not that he couldn't, he just didn't. Feel, that is. After his twelfth birthday, he hadn't been able to feel. He remembered the exact moment, too. He had been in his first period class; English. He had a seat in the third row, fourth seat from the front, right behind his lifelong crush; Summer Roberts. He'd liked her ever since he first laid eyes on her in the first grade. Their teacher, Mrs. Adamson, was making announcements, he hadn't been paying attention, at least not until he heard his name. _

"…_Seth Cohen's birthday! Everyone, let's wish him a Happy Birthday!" The whole class had confused looks on their faces, looking around the room trying to figure out who Seth Cohen was. _

"_Who's Seth Cohen?" It wasn't the fact that someone had asked, it was that Summer asked. They had been going to school together for the past seven years! Not to mention, he was in love with the girl. It tore him up. It killed him. _

_That was the day Seth Cohen lost all feeling. That was the day Seth Cohen started to cut himself. It might seem stupid that he started it because of a girl, but she was the only thing that brought something good into his life, even if he didn't really know her. So, when she asked that simple question, he died. He was never the same after that. And to put the cherry on top, his parents didn't notice. He supposed it was inevitable, they were never around. _

So please forgive what I have done  
No, you can't stay mad at the setting sun  
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually  
There is nothing left to do but sleep

_So, day after day, he slid his bic razor across his skin, drawing blood, not feeling the pain. No one noticed, or if they did, they didn't care. As the years went progressed, it got worse, he got worse. _

_The blood was almost gone now. There was only a pinkish tint left in the sink. He stared at it for a minute, like he did every time he did it. It never changed, maybe the pattern of the blood in the sink changed a little, but it was virtually the same, always heading towards the drain. _

The spring came bearing sunlight, those persuasive rays  
So I gave myself a few more days  
My salvation it came quite suddenly  
When Justin spoke very plainly  
He said, Now of course it's your decision  
But just so you know  
If you decide to leave  
Soon I will follow

_His parents were downstairs, his mother most likely ordering dinner, and his father was probably on the phone finishing up a case. The fact that they were downstairs and could walk in on him, at any moment, gave him this rush. It felt good. They called him down for dinner, and he turned the tap and watched until the pinkish tint disappeared. Just like this side of him would disappear, for a few hours as he joins his parents for dinner, then it would resurface when he was all alone. _

_He sighed, looked at himself in the mirror, and then rolled down his sleeve. He put on his mask and got ready to brave another dinner with his parents, slightly hoping tonight would be his last. _

I wrote this for a baby who is yet to be born  
My brothers' first child, I hope that womb's not too warm  
Cause it's cold out here, and it will be quite a shock  
To breathe this air, to discover loss

So I'd like to make some changes  
Before you arrive

That was the last time he drew his own blood. Because when Ryan Atwood walked into his and his parents life, his mask was no longer a mask, it became real. He had a friend, and not an inanimate friend, either. His life changed, for the good. Because of Ryan, he had friends, he got the girl, and he got the family. It wasn't easy to stop, but he just felt like he didn't need to do it anymore, so he didn't. He still had the urge, but he pushed himself to stop.

So when your new eyes meet mine  
They won't see no lies...  
Just love  
Just love  
I will be pure

And today, when he stood in front of his razor, when his life was suck-y again, not as bad but still not as good, he didn't want to. He didn't want to cut himself. He wanted to help himself. He wanted to get the girl he loved back, and live. He wanted to feel good. Hell, he wanted to feel. He was going to get Summer back. He was going to apologize for all the idiotic things he had done, like sail away on a boat, and turn into a paranoid psycho ex. Because he loved her, and she was and always will be the one thing in his life that will always make his day light up, and he couldn't let her get away.

No, no, I know I will be pure  
Like snow  
Like gold  
Like snow   
Like gold

Please RR. Hope you guys liked.


End file.
